Dear Mamacita,
I felt you... There's a massage/Reiki place in the same building that I go to counseling in and as I walked past there it smelled so good. I knew it was somewhere I wanted to go. I wrote down the number of the place and called to make an appointment for a massage. Last Wednesday after my counseling session, I went there for the first time and got the best massage of my entire life. When I walked into the treatment room, it was like walking into Hawaii. It smelled so delicious, there was soft tropical music playing, the walls were all decorated in Hawaiian decor, and the therapist I saw was certified in lomi lomi massage. I told her about our connection to Hawaii and she told me hers. I found out that she has also lost her mother. She totally understood about the healing that comes from being in Hawaii, and while I was on that table, I could feel you in the room, taking care of me, and enjoying the fact that I was being taken care of. This was the first time that I knew with certainty that you were there with me. I love you so much Mom. Tessa, the massage therapist, told me that sometimes people can try too hard to "see" or "feel" the person they are missing. And like everyone who has lost someone very close to them has told me, I will find you in my soul, in my heart. Maybe the veil of the darkest, deepest depression is lifting, and so I can sense you better. I'm not sure. There are still times that the pain is so overwhelming that I can't breathe and feel like I'm falling apart. I know there will always be moments like that.
I've been trying to focus on the positive things in life. It's not easy, but there are many things I love, things that make me happy. So I decided to write them down. Here's the list Mamacita. Enjoy!
*my kids' giggles and belly laughs
*a hot bath by candlelight
*rum
*small jeans
*conquering fears
*going out to O'Donovan's with Dave
*feeling Dave's hug
*the "I love you" sign from Sam
*girlfriends!
*laughing till I cry
*watching a good movie
*the 1st drink of coffee in the morning
*how I feel *after* working out
*magical teaching moments
*holding my kids tight
*the smell of Hawaii
*oatmeal from Caribou
*holding hands
*texting ;-)
*pedicures
*music
*concerts
*bowling league
*lipstick
*reaching goals
*happy hour
*sunsets
*going home again
*family parties
*Vikings football
*quiet time when the kids are in bed
*a clean house
*getting things organized
*feeling the sun soaking into my skin
*grown-up retreats
*4-wheeling
*thunderstorms
*the smell of thanksgiving
*kissing
*sharing massages
*surprises
*looking at my scrapbooks
*climbing into our bed with fresh sheets
*romantic birthday dates
*musicals
*when Dave says "pump n munch"
*the first and last days of school
*decorating the Christmas tree
*making Christmas cookies with girlfriends
*watching the kids open presents
*finding the perfect gift for Dave
*getting cards
*my birthday
*the word "giggidy"
*frogs croaking at night
*falling asleep to the lull of familiar voices
*stars out in the country
*the full moon
*short skirts
*"are you even speaking English"?!
*coffee with girlfriends
*the "Barefoot Bar" in Waikiki
*developing great friendships
I'll add more later Momma... I need a shower and to get to bed. I love and miss you.
All my love and then some,
Erika
No comments:
Post a Comment