Dear Mamacita,
I need you so much right now. I need to hear your voice and to tell you all my troubles. Things really aren't going well at all right now. I feel so alone and sad. I miss having a deep connection with someone. How could God take you from me? I feel lost. I feel scared. I don't really know which direction to turn or how to make things better. If I could only talk to you I know you'd have the right words, or at least let me feel your love down deep in my heart. I'm hurting so badly right now I don't know if I can stand it. I thought things were getting better, but they really aren't. There are times that I just want to lay down next to your grave site and cry till I can't cry anymore. I want to feel your physical presence. I need to be close to you. Right now I'm just full of fear and worry and playing out worst case scenarios in my head that I shouldn't be. I think my greatest fear is that God will take anything good in my life. If He could take you, He could also take Dave, Sam, and my sweet little Monster Max. Without your love and guidance to anchor me in this world, I feel like a ship that's dead in the water during a hurricane. I don't know how to stop the things that are happening, or to make them better. Mom, please... I need some kind of message or sign from you. Please help me. I know I must seem desperate to you, and maybe I really am. It's just that sometimes this world is a very scary place.
All my love, hugs and kisses,
Erika
